No they do not. Not at all. I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday afternoon. Just a little one. I had a good five minutes of crying along with this wanting to pull all the hair out of my head. I can say that I had the "crazy eyes" yesterday. Or maybe I should just say they were crazier than normal.
It all started earlier in the week. Little things were frustrating me. Big things were pushing me right up to the edge. I could feel my white hairs actually growing in. I could feel them popping out of my skull. My shoulders were rounding, my traps were tightening, my neck was becoming as stiff and rigid as a metal post. My hormones and the moon's gravitational pull were taking their toll on my body. I won't even mention what they were doing to my mind.
Yesterday I woke up with the feeling that I needed the day off. I know we all get that feeling. We all get that feeling quite often. I knew I needed the day off though. I mean the entire day off from morning til night. I did not want to do any caregiving from the moment I woke up. It was time for a day off. I hadn't had a day off since the beginning of December. I wanted the day off, I needed the day off but I knew I was not going to get the day off.
So I just puttered along, dragging my feet, not wanting to do anything. I trudged through the day. Slow. Annoyed. I felt sorry for myself. I played Farmville. And then the smell came and I knew what was coming. Or rather I knew what had already happened. And this is where I lost it.
**Warning - This gets a little gross especially if you're not a caregiver or you don't have any kids!**
I think that my mom's incontinence is the worst thing to deal with. I help her clean up every morning because I have not found an adult undergarment that can contain the amount of fluids she releases during the night. I have refused to wake her in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. It just seems so mean. I might have to start getting her up an hour or two earlier to deal with this problem though. But today number 1 was not the problem. It was the dreaded number 2.
I don't have any nice way of putting this. I smelled it. Yes, I smelled sh!t. So I knew I would have to deal with it. We can usually catch this before it becomes a problem by keeping a bathroom schedule but every once in awhile things go off schedule. Sometimes it's her. Sometimes it's me. Oh, how I dread it. It might also not be that bad if she would just let me know she has had an accident but she doesn't. I always find out after it is a mess. I will not even give details. Let's just say I have been dealing with human excrement for almost 13 years. Some days I just can't take it.
I just couldn't take it yesterday. I flipped and had a good five minute freak out cry. Crying over crap. I totally agree with not crying over spilled milk but crying over crap is totally rational to me. Wow. I can't believe I blogged about this. buahahahahaa I do feel a bit better crying and bitching about it though. It usually takes me a day or two before I can laugh about these incidents. Hmmm... Maybe I will be able to laugh about it tomorrow because I still feel like crying about it today.
No comments:
Post a Comment