Friday, February 11, 2011

Caregiving while sick...

It certainly is no picnic.  The problem with being the sole 24 hour caregiver for my mom is I cannot call in sick.  I'm sure if I was in dire need to I would be able to.  If I was rushed to an emergency appendectomy I am sure someone would come and help me out.  I know my mom would not be left starving and unable to use the bathroom.  But for just having a lowly cold it is more trouble than it is worth to call in sick.  I may be able to get a COPES worker in for 4 hours a day to help out. 

The thing is, I would only need a caregiver to help my mom with the bathroom and fix her something to eat and that would take maybe 30 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes every couple of hours.  Then I would have some stranger sitting around my house while I was being sick.  No not good.  And then I would not have any help for the next 10 hours.  So, to me, it makes no sense to even bother "calling in sick".

My mom is not a ton of work.  The problem is it is around the clock care.  I hate using the word problem.  I don't think of my mom as a problem.  Anyway, she needs help around the clock.  Thirty minutes in the morning to help her use the bathroom, clean up and fix breakfast.  Every couple of hours I need to help her with the bathroom and that is usually about 10-15 minutes.  I have to fix her lunch, do her laundry, bring her snacks and dinner.  So it is not a huge amount of time.  It would be an easy job if I could just do it all at once and would not have to worry about it the rest of the day.  It is just like being a mom I guess.  Always on call.  Always.  Even when you are sick.

Being sick and being a caregiver do not mix for me.  I turn into a major grouchy meany when I am sick and need rest.  I would even admit to being a bitch.  Yes, dear sweet me.  *Evil laugh*  I end up snapping at my mom for things that are no fault of her own.  She has a disease that is robbing her of her memory and her ability to do simple things.  I know this.  But when I am tired/sick I just can't handle it.  Then I feel guilty for being mean.  I take a break and try to be nice.  I scream inside my head until it feels like it is about to pop.  I bring my mom coffee and some yummy food to try and make up for being a grouch.  A hot drink and a goodie makes my mom happy.  Sometimes that alleviates my guilt and sometimes it does not.  Just depends on the day and how tired I am.

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